THE NEW “TOUTS” by Joe Takach

Fortunately, I have the best staff in America that affords me the luxury of taking a day off now and then.
I excuse myself on Friday nights during every Hollywood Park meet, as I’m on track every Saturday afternoon. If I did work Friday nights and then drive home, I wouldn’t see my bed before 1 AM. And since I get up every morning at 4 or 4:30, I’m sure you’ll agree that it is tough to be “fresh” for the next day’s racing with only 3 hours of sleep.
Last Friday night at home, I finally got a chance to watch and listen to both TVG and HRTV from 7 PM until 11 PM.
To say that I was disappointed with both TV horseracing shows would be a gross understatement at best.
Confusion reigns on both sets---------at least for the viewer.
I spent the most time with TVG since they were broadcasting Hollywood’s Friday night races.
For the most part, TVG’s commentators are colorful and much more entertaining than HRTV’s crew but just like their counterparts, they are totally worthless when it comes to professional handicapping and offering real “insider” insights rather than the constant spewing of meaningless statistics that have absolutely no bearing on the results of the upcoming race.
My biggest knock with TVG is their never-ending need to show every commentator’s Pick 3, Pick 4, and Pick 6 tickets.
“And for a mere $72, you too can have a ticket just like commentator A. And if you only want to spend $36, here’s commentator B’s ticket”. And so on---blah, blah, blah.
Who gives a rat’s ass who one of their commentators “likes” in this upcoming race.
If these “talking heads” knew anything, they wouldn’t be “color commentators” on a horseracing TV show. They’d be professional bettors working their butts off in the paddock taking copious notes. They’d also be watching the pre-race warm-ups of every horse in the upcoming race, assessing current condition to see if they had a bet.
It’s kinda hard to watch pre-race warm-ups with your back to the track, as is the case with TVG’s “talking heads”.
TVG uses trainers Frank Lyons and Simon Bray as commentators on their rotating staff. This would have been a brilliant move, had TVG management allowed them to actually be trainers instead of “touts” like the balance of their commentators!
Both Lyons and Bray positively know the negativity of a martingale, a blowout, a stop, a run out bit, resisting a saddle, walking short, poor color, ¼ cracks, iced fronts, walking wide, enlarged ankles, bows, lack of flesh and muscle, lack of energy, lack of a positive attitude or lack of a proper pre-race warm-up.
Yet the only negative thing that they ever mention is that this or that horse is “getting hot”. And the only reason they mention “hotness” is because at the time they say it, the viewer is looking directly at the horse as he is washing out.
Big deal!
They mention 1 physicality factor in that a horse is “getting hot”, as if you couldn’t see that with your own eyes over your satellite monitor.
If you were a neophyte to our game, you’d think that the only negative “physicality factor” that you would ever have to look for in a race horse to throw him out before a race is kidney sweat, neck lather and/or overall wetness.
It would be nice if it was that simple, but we all know that it isn’t!

What about all the other “physicality” factors to which every handicapper should be paying strict attention?
You can forget that crucial betting information-------at least from any commentator!
The knowledgeable TVG trainers quickly morph into common “talking heads” and begin offering more meaningless statistics on this or that horse and what he did last out, or how he performed over the past year, or how his trainer performs in situations allegedly just like this one.
I don’t want yesterday’s news! I don’t need more numbers. I already have tons of them in front of me---they’re called the past performances!
The race is today, not yesterday!
If you’re widely accepted as a legitimate trainer, why not tell me if a horse is walking correctly? Why not tell me if you see an enlarged front ankle? Why not tell me if a horse has good or bad color? Why not tell me if he’s warming up before the race signaling that the barn is “sending”, or if he’s being walked to the gate indicating an upcoming “stiff”?
I guess I shouldn’t “bitch” too loudly.
Some of the “suits” at TVG and HRTV might hear me and decide that I’m right and begin to actually “cover” racing the way it should be “covered”.
And if they began “covering” racing the same way that the DAILY SCHTW currently “covers” it and has been “covering” it for the last 14 years in Southern California, they’d be our direct competition.
What the hell am I doing inviting competition----trying to put myself out of business?
Please disregard this writing.

This article will self-destruct in 5 seconds!

© Joe Takach 2005